Uighurs! Welcome!

Afghan students queue up at the Indian Embassy for visas

It is funny that Muslims the world over hold a far more favorable opinion about India than do the domestics. Is it Bollywood? Is it the grass on the other side effect? Maybe the wrinkles get smoothed in the view from a distance. Perhaps it is just a case of familiarity breeds contempt.

In any case, M's flock to India from all parts of the world. From Arab sex tourists to Afghan students to Pakistanis in need of medical treatment to wheeler dealers from the middle east to drug traffickers and email scam artists from Nigeria. Of course we have B'desh folks too. They are practically a state in the Indian nation.

The latest are the Uighurs:

Uighurs seek a passage to India

With Han Chinese flooding Xinjiang - a region struggling with ethnic strife - the demoralized natives seek refuge across the border to escape the

oppression...

[...]

"We want dignity, what is normalcy?" he asks as his friends lapse into Uighur, talking excitedly about reports of Tibetans living in India, free from the fear of persecution, free to speak against the oppression of their people "back home."

"We can do more from India. We thought of Pakistan, but they have returned Uighur refugees to China. India has welcomed Tibetans and we are similar," he reasons before turning back to the heap of coffeestained notes and maps with highlighted routes into India strewn over his keyboard and table. [link]

We say, let's throw the doors wide open, let's embrace one and all. Everyone will be accommodated and provided a suitable position in our caste system according to their aptitude and abilities. So, here is a Barbarian's guide to national integration, a quick and easy overview of some of the most popular castes and what they have to offer:

• Politician: Indisputably the Brahmins of modern India, this class presents formidable entry barriers.
  
  
• Human Rights Activist: This caste offers easy admissions but the field has become cluttered lately. Blame it on the laws of economics - any area that offers abnormal returns will attract investors.
  
  
• Goon: No experience required, perhaps the only easy entry point (aside from having been born from a pedigreed vagina) to the politician class but runs the risk of encounter killing. If you so prefer, you can also pick from several subcastes like NSUI, YC, SFI, ABVP etc.
  
  
• Minority: An increasingly popular caste, good Government benefits. Side effect: you may become perpetually constipated with all those grievances bottled up inside you. Plus occasional riots.
  
  
• Naxal: If you like wildlife, Naxal may be the way to go. You will be required to worship a reportedly horny Chinese dude who mistreated his parents.
  
  
• Jholawalla: Once upon a time everyone wanted to be lawyers. Then the preference shifted to engineers, doctors etc. The current rage seems to be "computers". We predict that in a few decades, every kid will have nightly wet dreams of donning that Khadi kurta over those dirty pair of jeans and slinging that trademark bag across his shoulders.